After you left.

Le sigh. Where do I begin today?

I have not updated in a couple days. I have been sitting at home, eating a lot and watching a lot of TV. I really need to get my license and get out of here, but I would only be spending money (and I'm running out of that fast.)

Anne has gone to Nebraska to do theatre things for the week. I miss driving around with her. Whenever we drive around, we talk and sing along horribly to whatever we're listening to and we think. I'm kind of counting the days until she returns.

Alee is away at Sara Sebesta's house, dog/house sitting while she is away for the week. I rarely got to see her, but I feel as if she is farther away than normal. I haven't talked to her in a while.

Along with feeling lonely, I am feeling jealousy and sadnosity. I am a little hurt. Both reasons are probably dumb, but it's what I feel and I can't help it. If I could just STOP feeling the way I do, I'd be kicking some serious ass.

I will not be sharing why I am feeling jealous (which is also one of the reasons for having heavy boots), but I will share the heavy boots.

Bryan, or maybe I should call him Mr. Owens again, has decided to cut contact with current and former students. He emailed me and just said that he was cutting contact and that he didn't want people emailing him on his personal email (I didn't know it was personal), but he didn't say why. And I think it sucks because I liked sending him stories and I wondered if he ever read this blog (because I gave him the site).

It made me wonder if I'd see him again.

I had this thought about a month or two before graduation. I wondered if I'd get to keep in touch with a bunch of people, and Mr. Owens was one of them. He is such a TEACHER. And not only in the English language, but a LIFE teacher. You can never have too many of those.

I feel now that if I saw him in public, I should ignore him and not make contact like he asked (maybe that's not what he had in mind, but it's what I'm thinking). I'm already sort of trying to do that with someone else and it's very hard for me to do. It's so hard to let go. I am hardly adaptable.

"You know what it's all about? Being able to lose the things that you don't need anyway." - Keltie (I'm pretty sure she said it.)

Not related to Mr. Owens:

Here is the real real truth.

I love you but I need to let go of you for me. Because you don't actively talk to me, it's making it a little easier, but I still miss you from time to time.

I hope that, one day, I can walk by you and not feel the need to smile and say hello. I'm sorry if that hurts, but it is how it is.

I guess that what I'm saying is, if you don't want me to let go, make me believe I shouldn't.

This is Alee. She was Alice, one day, and I took her picture and never did anything with them, because I did not like them. Here's one that I do like.