The World Shoved Me

And you can tell when you look at them that it's everyone else who made them this way. Or maybe just, someone else.

[via I Wrote This For You]

Last Night

Thank you to whatever girl it was that met my old friend Jordan Hand and told her that you thought I was a good dancer.
That makes me happy that people think I was good, and it makes me sad because I'm not dancing anymore.



"There's a hole in my whole."


EDIT: Daria is a sweetheart. I always liked that chick. :3

Holy Truthful Scales.

I weighed myself on a scale that actually works for the first time in months, and let me tell you, the results were not pretty.
I know, there are people that are like, "Morgan, you're still skinny. I'm this much bigger than you."
But I used to be so much more fit and my muffin top was there but it was never this serious.
I'm five foot three and I now weigh 129 pounds. WHAT. I'm hoping some of this was due to my massive period (sorry, you guys), water weight and the fact that I had just eaten a ton.
But, um, regardless of all of that... time to lose fifteen pounds.

Because no one reads this blog anyway, I will now keep track of weight loss on here. Sorry if that bothers anyone.

Time to cut out cake, chocolate, cookies, excess snacking, pasta (oh such a sad sad day...), about 99% of my bread intake, sodas (yes, even you, belov'd diet coke), Popsicles, MAYONNAISE, and pretty much everything else I've been stuffing my face with. I'm going to do this as fast as possible.
I also am going to start running + walking (lololol no really, I have to. I really hope this extra weight will be motivation enough for me to actually do this), tell my mom to get lost so I can dance at home, crunches, jumping rope, power yoga (WHY DID I STOP?!), plank position (I can hold that for a minute and a half, alrighht.. let's get it to two minutes.), whatever I can think of.
I have to do this now or I'm gonna be unhappy with myself until I do.

So much for you being real.

If you don't want to, don't pretend you do.


Photo: Me. I like taking pictures of the sky when the clouds are at their best.

I'm not gonna be here forever

So let's all buck up, get it together and do what we're supposed to do. No more mucking around, no more excuses. We're going to be real. Only the damn truth is accepted.

It's going to be hard, but in the end, I think it's worth it.

Photo: I don't know who took it, but it's my mom + aunt + buttercup, their pet skunk. yes. pet skunk.

You look really thin, are you still doing coke?

No, really, like, you're way too fucking thin.

And no, I'm not going to feel your abs.

I won't grow up

But you have to, because no one else will.

Self portrait.

The Insomnia of Flowers

You tried so hard to be the person everyone wanted you to be. Maybe you should've just been the person you wanted to be.


[via I Wrote This For You]

It's very specific and not going to happen at all.

(via Keltie Colleen)

“Oh hey, how are you?” - you.

I have planned our wedding. I have pictured our children. I have purchased years with of birthday presents for you in my mind. I have driven for hours and upon arriving at my doorstep had no recollection of how I got from point A to point B. Forget the road, I can only remember that I spent the ride have imaginary conversations with you. It was the best company I have had in years. Please kiss me. Right now. I want to know what your skin feels like. I cannot form sentences when I am around you, but if I could I would quote something brilliant from Poe. I would report a fascinating story I read from the New York Times this morning. I would tell you the story of giving my shoes to the child on the side of the road in Honduras. You would be impressed. I would be more than that giggling girl who trips over her own feet. I wish I could wear my layers like sweaters, and slowly peel them all off before you so that I could prove to you that I'm more than one of those typical girls and more than this beat up hoodie. I wish I was a mind reader. I wish I knew what you were thinking, unless of course, you are thinking about anything else but kissing me, because in that case, I do not want to know. What if you are actually thinking about that girl I saw in the photo with you, who is prettier than me, and possibly more interesting? I bet you love her. I bet she doesn’t trip over her own feet. I bet she can string sentences together. Something in the way you stand there turns me into an adolescent version of myself, hearing your voice leaves me squeamish for hours. I went to get a manicure and I stood in front of the display of hundreds of possible polish choices and actually based my choice on what I thought might be your favorite, if I happened to see you, ever...again... and it happened to be in the next 4 days before I had bitten all my nails off in anticipation of maybe, possibly, seeing you ever...again. I am hanging off the tip of every word you say, and you barely know I am alive. Or worse yet, you know I am alive and do not care. Even worse yet, you know I am alive, and you think I am that squeamish, obsessive, giggling, strange girl who is just plain weird instead of the uber hot, smart, cultured, dream girl I am trying to hard to act like. Please, do not just stand there. Kiss me or my heart might stop.

“I’m good.”- me

Photo by me <3

We all love you. You know that, right?

I forgot to wish you a happy nineteenth birthday yesterday. I miss you, a lot.

Sometimes, I think about my middle school years and how we spent them laughing about easy cheese, ramen noodles and our home ec class. You were so funny and such a bright light in those crummy years. I remember that time I made you pee your pants laughing. I remember your huge house that had such bad soundproofing, that everything that happened on the first floor could be heard from your room on the second floor. I remember you used to want to be a drummer; I wish I knew what you wanted to be in your last years, because I know these things change. I remember how glad I was to have you go with me to The Faint concert. I think we had one of the best times dancing at Numbers. I couldn't hear a thing when we got out of there, could you?
I wish we hadn't lost touch.

Your friends posted a video on facebook singing happy birthday and blew out candles on a slice of cake for you. I cried.

If I'm good, maybe I'll see you up there, yeah?

Photo: Toledo Bend series

A lot of things.

I have realized I don't want something I thought I wanted.
I think the loneliness I have been feeling is due to bad friendship and nothing more than that. And that's okay.

I also always knew I was critical of myself, but I have realized that I am overly so. Hypercritical. It kind of gets in the way of things. I am constantly striving to be the best, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm trying to prove to everyone else that I better than "good enough" or if I'm trying to prove it to myself.
I said it a long time ago, though: I'm not going to fucking settle.

Photo: Taken by yours truly at my family's lake house at Toledo Bend Reservoir. Oh, how I missed this sunset. You will never see a more beautiful sunset than the ones on display every night at Toledo Bend.

Alas!

I have completed The series. Thanks again to Marcela for allowing me to use her amazing photos from her Israel trip.
Blog will resume to normal.

Also, this is really important. I need this shirt:

The Glimmer of Hope

Maybe we can escape if we try hard enough. I can pretend and you could pretend, and we could be blinded by our make believe.
Maybe. Just, maybe.

The Proof You Were Here

I know you existed. There are signs all over me and in my brain and in my heart.
You affected me, and even though I don't talk about you, the evidence is there.
You just have to know where to look.

The Fickle Minded

I wish you would give me a straight answer.

The Broken Machine

I'd put you back together with tape, but I don't have any.

The Wheels That Turn

The world doesn't stop spinning just because one thing went wrong.
Grow up.

The Exposure of Us

When the light comes in, we see things completely differently. We see things for what they are.
That's how I feel about you.
That's how I feel about me.

The Way I See Things

Look, it's you and me. I can't solve your problems and you can't solve mine.
We're stuck until the universe decides it's time.

The Feelings You Had

I understand now. I understand that you felt something that you didn't want to feel.
Just know, you're not alone.

The Feeling I Reach For

But my fingertips never found yours.

The Memory Lapse

And I know that no matter what I say, you're going to forget me. No matter how much I shout to the world and the universe and to everything in it that I care, that I'm trying, that I'm here, I'll be forgotten. By you.

The Miles Before Us

And we stood there, together, feeling so small.
But at least we weren't alone.

The Illusionist

I understand that you're not a magician or my personal genie, but please. I beg you.

The Flame That Burns the Brightest

"I want a brighter word than bright; a fairer word than fair." -J. KEATS

The Reply

But I don't want you, so I must decline.

The Passageway

A door's a door.

Go through it.